Common Tate W

After Andrew Tate's arrest by Romanian authorities, the 'top-G' began posting pictures of himself with fictional anime-style female characters. His followers, who call themselves the 'Tater-Tots' reacted in confusion to sudden shift in behavior.

NERV x Los Pollos Hermanos

Colonel Misato Katsuragi, head of operations at NERV, met with legendary chicken guru Gustavo Fring on Friday as part of an international collaboration to become the sole supplier of food to NERV facilities. Leading Republicans on X, formerly known as Twitter, celebrated the partnership as a sign of U.S. dominance in the global arms trade. At press time, Katsuragi reportedly put 14-year-old Shinji Ikari to work cooking '20003 km/h of methê.'

Creepy Biden Caught

Faux News earlier today released a scathing report detailing numerous sexual harassment complaints levied by female White House guests against 'Creepy' Joe Biden. Hours after the report, the White House sent out a press release denying the allegations. "Yeah, we knew that he does this [stuff] with real people, but with fictional young girls? Honestly, who could've predicted this?" said a White House official, who was not authorized to publicly speak on the matter. An informal poll conducted by Dew Research shortly after showed the incumbent president's approval rating dropping a further 200 points.

Man Successfully Transported to 'Another World'

Scientsts at CERN confirmed Wednesday that family man Peter Griffin successfully crossed between dimensions after being hit by a polymolecular truck within the Large Hadron Collider. Officials on-site were reportedly 'baffled' when the man re-entered our dimension accompanied by two woman dressed similarily to French maids. At press time, Congress unanimously passed a $50 billion spending bill to increase funding for interdimensional CERN research, though, when questioned, several Republican congressmen quickly distanced themselves from the subject.

Jake Paul Takes Anime Girl Hostage

Jake Paul was arrested Thursday by Ohio State Troopers after allegedly holding a girl at gun point on Thursday. The NRA pleged legal support for the 26-year-old influencer, claiming that the police had 'infringed on his 2nd amendment rights.' His attorney declined to comment on the matter.