This article has been recinded by the RGC for the false reporting of events. The authors involved have been thoroughly 'corrected.' The RGC strives to ensure accurate. unbiased journalism and will tighten our standards to prevent this in the future. This article shall remain up for educational purposes only.

NEW TACO TOWN, Republistan (RGC) — Shocking events unfolded early this morning at the newly-founded city-state of “Parking Lot Pal”, leaving dozens dead in the second attack on neutral territory this week.

Among the dead included countless livestock as well as highly-respected PLP community member Goose_Caboose_.

Goose_Caboose_ was a resident of Parking Lot Pal, located in a region known for its beautiful coastline and friendly community. She lived there for many years, and came to love the town’s laid-back atmosphere and tight-knit social circles.

While out for a walk in the park, Goose_Caboose_ was brutally assasinated by a rogue operative named Xeyocyte.

“idc a bout your god dam cows,” Xeyocyte said after being confronted by PLP member Stufd regarding the murder.

However, in a private interview, Xeyocyte claims to be innocent. “Please for the love of fictional god mention that they started it,” he told RGC.

In the aftermath of Goose_Caboose_’s death, PLP Chief HellRaiser7367 has declared Xeyocyte an outlaw. Meanwhile, the eLON Security Council unanimously agreed to move Xeyocyte from “Mercenary” to “Terrorist” designation in a closed-door emergency meeting held just hours after the incident.

”[New Taco Town] and all of its members totally condemn the brutal murder of Goose_Caboose_ by Xeyocyte,” said Emperor Eatdostacos in a press release earlier today, reiterating NTT’s statement after the assassination of Chzzms420.

”[Xeyocyte] curbstomps all those unfortunate enough to be on his bad side,” warned renowned e mediator Werffy to RGC, echoing the fears of many eLON members.

Although Chief HellRaiser7367 continues to head a pacifistic Parking Lot Pal, it stands to see whether that stance will remain feasible into the future.