SAN FRANCISCO (RGC) — Last week, the chairman of the Chinese Communist Party, Xi Jinping, arrived in San Francisco to meet with President Joe ‘Sleepy’ Biden. Although it sits adjacent to the heart of the United States’ cradle of technology, Silicon Valley, no amount of megapixels in the new iPhone 16 Pro Max X Lite Air could ever cure the homeless epidemic which eternally plagues the city.

However, the ultimate solution to solving the homelessness crisis seems to lie within foreign leaders. Following an extensive homeless relocation campaign, San Francisco police reported a heavy drop in fentanyl cases practically overnight. Despite the initial chargin to Chairman Xi, which psychologists attribute to a collective, deep seated trauma from poor financial decisions in Chinese video game Genshin Impact, some have turned to hail his presence as a talisman against the shopping cart menace.

“I used to turn on the news and hear about the awful things China does, like creating Qiqi,” said Eugene Oaks, a long-time resident of San Francisco. “But after he got rid of all those walking eyesores, I feel like I might’ve judged a book by it’s cover.”

RGC reached out to mayor London Breed to ascertain the whereabouts of the homeless now, recieving the following message in response:

“¯\(ツ)/¯.”

At press time, the San Francisco City Council approved the construction of a green wafer plant on the outskirts of the city.